Trading?

Love is flawless. You can’t blame it for the pains one get in it. Humans are flawed. I read somewhere today that “We are born traders!” We trade everything, and so do we also trade our love.”  It is hard to love someone and not expect back! Because we are traders and we make love conditional.

You rarely find unconditional love, if you do..Don't let it go :) 

Love Actually..

She had never disappointed her parents, she had never let down or ignored anyone close to her. But the energy she shared with this guy was amazing, it was beautiful. It was a sincere love and a romantic love story they had she dint want to forget ever. She could not digest the fact of him being just a chapter of her life and end it. She decided she will tell her parents. They decided they will.

Her parents dint agree. She had to fight back her tears and ignore their pain. She had to at times, ignore she was in love with someone and give priority to her parents. So much to and fro. Her father would not talk to her. Her mother would curse her destiny for giving birth to her. She had let down everyone who once used to appreciate her. She was broken but stubborn. She knew it is going to take time and he was besides her.

They broke more and more, each passing day. There was so much pain and anger stuck up within them that it brought up the worst sides. They cried, screamed and begged. Her parents and relatives asked her to forget the guy and that guy asked her to give this all some time. They were confused, they were full of guilt. She somehow forgot being happy. Forgot being happy when they were together ! He dint have any choice and she dint have any power left. An year passed and things were not smooth at all. Her family had boycott her. It was difficult to show her care for them, given she was not agreeing to forget her guy. She had lost trust, trust of those who mattered her the most at one point in time. She just kept on wishing for some magic which can turn this all upside down and bring them together, with their families' approval. She loved him truly and she knew she would not find someone like him. He was perfect for her, he was the reason she was successful today. He was her strength. And she feared if it was possible to live without him around her. She felt safety in his arms. She knew he was the love of her life. She loved him more than anything else. Yes, this time more than her family. She dint give up. He dint let her give up.

A few years later, the families agreed. The pressure of growing age and the society made them go against their wishes. She was happy. They were happy. It seemed as if they had achieved each other for the life time. Things weren't smooth but! They had to struggle and convince their families for very small things which dint matter to them but mattered to the families. One time things, which took off a series of arguments and discussions between two of them. One wedding day, and it took rough period of many months of preparation.  They had to convince the families again. They had to bear it all. They had to plan their own wedding, with managing every tiny traditional ritual in mind. Families won't come forward in a supporting way and by now they wanted to just get done with it.

Finally, they got married!!

But, by now, both of them had seen each-other's worst sides. Things took time to settle, days passed. He wouldn't mind shouting on her and neither she would. They had done this before, many a times. They could not realize the difference in being together.They still were not over the pain it had been to them individually. The energy was depleting. The journey, the path they took to be together had torn them apart. They were impatient and reckless. They were now fighting hard with themselves to forget what had happened, as they realized where it was going and where it should haven actually directed to. They were dreaming to have the best time of their lives but were burdened with the expectations, pains and roughness of the past!

Was it worth?? All the pain they took to come together? All the pain they took to convince their families? All they went through to be good kids?

Even today families do not realize how much their conservativeness cost their children. How different it would have been if they were not so hard on their kids?

He once asked her - "Let us run away"...wish she had said YES!

♫ How songs touch our lives ♫

"Songs"..how much important part they play for a movie and for how long they effect our lives, or ask how often..? My father has always been a big fan of cinema, and I have grown up hearing his collection of songs..Lata Mangeshkar, Mohd Rafi, Kishore Kumar hits, ghazals of Pankaj Udhas, Jagjit Singh and many more..!! The songs were different then from now.The simplicity and the purity have somehow lost and forgotten. Of course not in all songs for sure, but in most of the songs today it is all about drums and beats than the basic idea of sharing the feelings and thoughts wrapped in the music. I am not here to criticize today's music but this write-up is just about the variety of songs and the various impacts they have in our daily lives! And yea, I too like drums and beats...it all depends upon the time and the surroundings :)

So do you feel the need of hearing a particular song at times? I do, and as of now I can think of these many reasons  :

1. When you are very happy?
2. When you are in a party and you want to dance on the beats of some crazy item number?
3. When you are travelling and you have none other thing to do better than listening to songs?
4. When you are working? Either in office or let say simply cooking at home?
5. When you are feeling severely hurt and want to cry? Oh there you go...songs do help you cry!
6. When you underestimate yourself and want to boost your self-esteem?
7. When you don't want to sleep and have to study/work, so to stay awake?
8. When you are sleepless?
& last but not the least...
9. When you are in love? :)

And so on...There may be ample number of other reasons apart from these that you might want to hear a particular song/songs.

There are songs, which might work as a medicine for you when you are upset about something. How about those overtly romantic numbers, with repeated similar lyrics ongoing from the decades? You might not play them very often, but you do like them if hit at the right time. :)

Has it ever happened, while listening to a song, you think of the person with whom you might have any sort of feelings/memories attached, and which are somehow being mentioned in the song? It might be someone you love, or it might be your best friend, it might be your mother or it might be someone you have a crush on or YOU yourself..! There is one all time favourite song of mine Aahatein. I first time heard this song as background score of a farewell presentation of one my friend, and now every time I listen to this, I tend to think of that friend without any effort. And honestly, this song is the reason I accidently populated so many thoughts in my mind about songs and how they touch our day to day lives :) Beware! there are some mysterious songs, which might make you fall in love with someone, when you are trying a lot not to fall ;)  Hahaha,,!!Too much about slow emotional songs? Yeah, the list is endless..But there are definitely songs which bring energy and excitement in our lives and help us change our moods.

Overall, in our day to day life, definitely for music lovers, songs do play some role. For a while, I wasn't in touch with the music and I knew that I was missing so much good around it. Songs do make you sad, happy, cry, passionate, love, sick ;) , nostalgic and help to make the enjoyment bigger! Oh how could there be weddings so fun-filled without songs..!

Imagine life without music and songs..How many things are said via songs, which could not have been better understood and conveyed if music did not exist. Thanks to the music composers and singers, who delve into the real life feelings and put them beautifully in words..Some of the feelings, even we did not know until we heard those songs..:)

 ♫  ♫  ♫  

-Dishi

Mumbai Local - The lifeline of the City

So after Dungarpur, Kota, Ahmedabad & Hyderabad cities, my life landed me to 'Mumbai'..and certainly I am going to stay here for longer than any other places I have stayed at. Often, when talked about Mumbai, trains are one of those obvious topics which come in conversations and people always say that not every outsider can get accustomed to the local trains in the city.

So, just out of interest, rather than the usual buses, I decided to take train on my way from home to office...ie Bhandup to Andheri. I was bored of sleeping in buses and I wanted to give myself an assurance that even this is something which I can do – what if I save some minutes or let's say just to counter argue my hubbie when he says that “you may not be able to do it”!

So an overview of my journey is like this - I have to first reach the Bhandup station from my apartment, take a train and reach Dadar station..change my train and take Andheri local…reach the station and take a bus from the station to my Office!! Ufffff…so that’s the shortest description I could jot down..here comes the longer one which took place yesterday –

My husband always says that it's just a 10 minutes walk up to the station from our home, so I thought let me save a few bucks, take a morning walk and at the same time verify if his watch is right ;) So as I started, it was all very okay in the beginning...but suddenly I hear a bus driver honking at me...I was on the left side of the road, totally left..then what was it that I was doing wrong?? Any guesses??? Ahhh...you can't!! Actually I was walking "slowly" Oh yes...you read it correct! I noticed people around me, they were all seeming to be in hurry..walking as if trying to catch up on something..none of these people made me feel that it was early in the morning - it was for me at least :P ! So I started to walk briskly, unable to though catch up with a few around me - be it ladies or gents or even elders..!! I reached the station somehow and punched my tickets - luckily no queue there!! There was a fast train supposed to arrive in a few minutes and as instructed to me I stood where all the ladies were standing, to be able to get into the ladies special compartment. Oh wait, btw how did I know that there was a train - so all Mumbaikars who have a smartphone and travel via trains/buses will definitely have an app installed in there mobiles - "m-indicator". Thanks to the developers, otherwise it would have taken me another 10 months to remember the timings or to be able to read those almost-never-working notice boards, indicating train schedules and timings..understanding the expected platform pattern itself is gonna take a while..A few days back, I kept on looking for platform number 12, while it was the count of DABBAs attached in a train "FACEPALM" moment!

Anyways so the train is approaching and slowly I am being flanked by women around me..Everybody is looking at the train - that's it! So not Womania type..perhaps Mumbai Womania type ;)! As soon as the train stopped, as instructed again I had kept my bag in the front and started to try to get in...I can never get the perfect words to describe it but I was laughing...yea again right...I was laughing... All literate, beautiful and elegant women out there turned into bullies and all they wanted to do was to grab a place to keep their pretty-feet, on the rim of that train compartment, so in the next step they can pull their bodies with all the power they have, leaving everyone behind and get in! Ohhh...myyyy...Goooodddddd!!!! For all the "Friends" sitcom fans, thus "Jenus" familiars out there, believe me it was exactly like so - the reaction...followed by HA HA HA!! :D And yeah, I was one of them, I made my way in but this wasn't it! I made a huge mistake, I was still standing close to the door. My falling breathing capacity was the proof that there was no room inside to even attempt to move inside but I was against the local train lawww...The woman close to me, asked "Where do you want to get down?" I said - "Dadar" and here she was, red faced, with a rejection in her eyes, pushing her eyebrows closer she shouted - "Get out of my way, I have to get down next..blahh..blahh...pata nahi kaha se aa jate hai..blahh..blahh ctnd." She was really cursing me :(  I moved in, somehow putting my steps on someone's leg or bag or duppatta...grabbing my bag tightly and checking for my wallet every now and then..Wait, there is more..On the next stop a lady sitting right next to me stood up to get down and I dared to take that seat..How could I make another mistake in this much short span of time and break the LAW again!! Suddenly a woman nearby shouted at me and said "This is my place..I had told her already, get up from there!!" I was baffled, I chose to not argue on this and stood up. Although this was enough of an experience already in this somewhat 20 minutes' journey...a similar incident took place. This time, I preemptively stood up saying "Please, don't shout..I am getting up!!" Finally the destination came, I was thinking about what actually happened - actually smirking! But but wait, so did I get down on my own?? Oh come on, nooo ways! I was pushed down and up at the same time from different directions and different set of womanias...This time even I was part of the downward side of the group and with all the calories I had saved from last night's meal (this inspires me to take breakfast everyday..:P ) I successfully jumped out and was moving..moving with the crowd..I wasn't aware of the platform from where I was supposed to take another train so I checked with a couple of people and followed the crowd..The stair climbing part was again challenging and thankfully I managed to do it! The latter part of the journey was smoother and I reached my office all sweating and feeling heroic at the same time..Yay! B-)

I narrated this incident to a few of my colleagues at office and I felt that I should blog about it..So I am doing it now! :)

The return journey was eventful too but this time I was rather prepared..One thing which strangely I'd never noticed earlier and the Mumbai Local experience made me notice is that even "Women feel hungry - for food of course :P" Ya, I had never seen women eating like the women in the train were eating, before, so man-ly it was!! Surely they were all very tired but aren't most of the women are seen as representing the opinion that one should eat only home food and for that matter not even eating in places like train..?? My Mom does..given it is not FREE ka Food ;) and it was a cultural shock for me..But it made me happy somehow..So why should I not have it..I ate too...Mausi ki Bhel Puri!!

That was all about the day, and perhaps I will always laugh, thinking about it..and probably no more local trains for me..My bus takes the same amount of time and I can even doze off there..;) You win Darling :D

Hail Mumbaikars! _/\_

Dishi

That's Only 'Mine'!

"Hey don't use that Mug.."

"Why do you mind?"

"It's a personal gift."

"Oh, okay!"  (with a weird tone)

So what is this possessiveness about few things like clothes/utensils? And this is no Exception if I add CODE too in the list..the typical competitive engineer side of me!

Few examples are like :

1. You have been gifted a utility by someone really special. So what's the next thing you do with it? Do you keep it in your mirror case for decoration or in your kitchen (let's say it's a mug) ? In most of the cases after saving it for few months ;-) it goes into your regular kitchen stuff! 

Next hurdle is, are you okay sharing it, or you wanna make sure no one else uses it? Now in most of the cases, not just girls even boys do not wish to share their special gifts. Is it wrong? Totally not! That's been gifted to just YOU after all. 

So what do you say when you see someone else using it?

Ya, that's our next hurdle now!

You just go ahead and say it upfront. "Can you please not use it next time? It's a gift."

Now, what if that person gives you a weird toned assertion. 

It could be "So what..I do share my gifts." "Hmm...okay.." "Ohh..okay" or the ones wanting you to tell you your story further.."Oh, sorry I dint know it was personal to you."

Now based on my observation, rarely people would give the last response. Mostly they would be thinking lame about you. Now well if you are one of these you must know that,

"Possessive thinking frequently accompanies “heartless thinking” in which no empathy is felt for the need or concerns of others."

So you have started it, be ready to accept!

And personally, there is nothing wrong in being possessive about few things. If at all it is not some living being! I usually don't discriminate my love for them too :P

2. It could be a childhood memory you have been carrying with you since you have left home for the first time. It might sound kiddish to say I don't want to share my so and so thing, I have been using/having it since I was a kid, a very rare case, and the other person might find you nuts! But he/she might seem to forget in fury that you have emotions attached to it..for a long long time. It's been yours since when you din't know you were going to stay away from home among some new people, who would be daring to use it. :rude:

So again be it. And those on the other side, let them be it.

Ya this is it...this is what all I wanted to say on this..

And BTW, about the code...(that's just for fun)
I have spent my days and nights behind this one piece of code and you want to be the sole person knowing the in and out of it until you show it to your boss first. 

Now here I would say, you better not be strictly-possessive. 

Show it to your peers, get their inputs and let them know in advanced that you would want to demonstrate it directly. Straight and Simple!

Note ** This post is based on just a few random thoughts I get from here and there..Seeing people and their reactions to their beloved things..!! Btw I somehow like them..
Because - "If they can hold feelings for some non-living thing, imagine how much they feel for the person/reason who/which is behind it"  :)

Dishi
Born to dream :)

The Green Light

I know we don't talk to each other, I understand we don't have to.
I escaped out of  US, and now it's just ME & YOU.
It's a small story, I want to share,
If we are connected, you would care.
You know that's so silly and stupid,
But I see my account, to learn your bit.
The grey light tells, you have moved on.
The red one tells, you are there but not for me.
The orange one tells, you wanna be there but can't.
And the green one tells, you are around waiting for me...

My Neighbor, My Childhood Ideal..

Sini P. George. Yeah, that was her complete name back then.

My malayali neighbor, 4-5 years elder to me.She was a beauty, a black beauty.I used to try to dress up like her, to comb like her, to even carry a pen/pencil of the brand she used to use.Be it waiting for our school bus early morning or running behind it at times; a patty fight with my classmate or finding it difficult to perform in any event...She used to be there, always. I was more connected to her than my mother at one point in my childhood.With her two elder sisters,Uncle & Aunt, they were 5 of them in the family. I used to join them for their evening prayers. Monu Di (Sini Di's nick) used to make me read those passages from Bible and Uncle used to explain them to me.I have spent almost fifty percent of my free time post school hours at their home for years. I always felt invited and secure there..I can't deny that she was way to protective of me and I was fond of that :-)

Most of us have an ideal,from childhood days, we take inspiration from. Be it a school senior or someone staying in the neighborhood; whom you observe and try to imitate. Monu Di was that childhood ideal for me.

When I was in class 4th, we left that neighbourhood and shifted to another locality. I cried and cried for days because I was lonely there. For me it was sort of an end, which I couldn't figure out at that small age and I remember that it was during our summer breaks which made it even worse. Our meetings were limited to school premises now and that too very rare. Exactly around 3 years later, we moved back. Although I had grown up a bit, I was excited to be around her. But now she had grown up too much for me, she had other friends of her own age she would spend most of her time with. Alothough I was jealous but she never ignored me. I was always given preference somehow :)

Alas! things dint remain like this for long. 2 years passed and she moved out of the city to pursue higher education. We too shifted to our new home permanently, farther than this society, leading to no medium of being in touch with her or her family.

Surprinsingly, on one of my birthdays, I received a letter with her card. I wasn't in the same city anymore, neither was she; but I read it almost 10 times immediately and was very happy with the thought of Monu Di writing to me, after so long..I decided to reply back. I was staying in Kota, Rajasthan and she was in Bangalore, Karnataka then ; pursuing her Nursing. It felt so far away then. Sometime later I came to know that her family moved back to Kerela, selling their house in my hometown and other properties..so their was now no chance of them returning back ever.

Few years passed, and we were still connected via phones. Thanks to developing mobile technology at that time. As time passed further, I got busy in my higher studies and I believe same would have been the case with her as well. We were talking only on Birthdays, Diwali and Christmas by now.I hadn't realized, how fast time flew; when one fine evening she called me suddenly and informed that she is married now. She was sorry that she couldn't invite me. But I wasn't waiting for just the invitation, we were supposed to plan it all together. I was upset. I couldn't be angry with her but somehow urged to be have had been there on her big day!!

Then when one last time we talked was 4 years back, she called me to inform that she is moving to Kuwait and gave her contact number and email id to remain in touch. Sadly, none of that worked after a few months later. I din't hear from her on emails and then even I stopped writing to her.

Since then, it's been so many years, but whenever I get to reminiscence my childhood, she is a part of it. At times,I miss her so much that I will search the web for her, in all the possible ways but after some failures, I will end up hoping that she is doing fine at some corner of this world, and may be does think of me too at times. She could be a mother now. How her husband would be like? Would she be remembering me ever? "How few people, who have been the most important to you at one point in your life....disappear, forever!"

Now a days, although we have got facebook, gmail, twitter and so many other mediums to be in touch with each others or finding out about someone, sometimes even they don't help; and you feel the need to find that one missing link!

She was more than just a neighbor to me. Yes, she was like my elder sister. I was the only child in my family then, the eldest one and I needed someone elder to me around. Everyone in my family felt the same. My mother used to leave me at her place when she had to go out without me. When my father fell ill, uncle used to pray for him. I was so young but I still can remember him taking my father's name, my mother's name..my name in his prayers.

Haahh..it still feels heavier after having written all this down. Usually this works the other way round for me. Well, I will still be hunting for her in all sorts of ways I can. I don't have her address, her phone number, in fact i don't even know her last name after her wedding, but I know that I want to talk to her..somehow...anyhow; something...anything!!

I wish I see that day soon :-)

And yes, if you feel the same for someone, don't let them disappear because you are too busy!

-Fingers Crossed!!

UPDATE**

Date : 06/12/2015 and Yes..I finally could find her!!! Thanks to Facebook's Friends-Suggest feature, who suggested me her elder sister's name. Till this date, this feature irritated me, but you find the real worth of some things, when you find your real worthy person out of them..It felt so amazing talking to you Monu Di and knowing that all this while , you were finding that missing link back to me , from your corner of this world! Love You too :D